disgusting

fuck you

 fucking you dearly and gently

clasping you tight and crying at climax and feeling every inch of you squeeze down on me

i'd want you to call out my name

kiss me deep and wet while we stared into each others eyes

wet and sloshing, hovering over you just trying not to cum

and i'd wanna be the first person to make you cum too

i wanna cum together

fuck

 i chose to not say the quiet part out loud

of course i miss you

love takes restraint

if i didnt have restraint i'd fuck your brains out right now

not talking or thinking it more takes even more restraint

 it was my first mid term holiday in a semester that wasnt peaches and that readjustment period from carefree street fighter to deadlines and assignments was pretty rough

she's mad at me right now and our free times just never quite match up

i think i 

need to focus

 her soft skin

her light touch

how the fats congeal

wanting to shrink just to accomodate her better

her help

the words get too real too fucking real

desire unrequited and splitting in every direction

lust or yearning or wanting to crawl inside her skin

the power she holds over you

her dominion

desire unrequited and guilt undergirding the surface

the seedy underbelly of your want

you don't *want* *her*

maybe you don't

you're fucking disgusting

felvifdek

 i stopped feeling desire for you in that way and it perturbs me, not because i'm afriad but because i'm afraid of the comfort

tears in my eyes or a big lump in my pants i'd sit there and type away at how much i wanted you and how gnawing it felt

but for the one day in a year where i got what i want i spent a glorious maybe 15 minutes basically edging myself and it felt good really good

and (like, along with the other stuff) out came all the pent up desire and yearning and i feel a zen i've never felt

not one i've felt since we first started dating and yearning like rabbits

 i saw art of alex and kate fucking today. i never knew alex was a trans guy

it was "porn" in the way two semi-conventionally appealing characters rubbing up and being naked is "pornographic" but it didnt move me that way

i get jumpscared by porn every now and then, which happens of course. everything is porn. miscellaneous shit; stupid instagram posts, weirdly sexual temu product listings, batmanarkam berserklejerk, 

most of it doesn't move me, but this one did

it's two characters i know, who have a history of being pretty cute with each other, dressed down and having normal passionate sex. just a screencap of him under her and her on top of him and it was sweaty and they had cum faces and it was really really sweet

"college dorm meeting" she said; two people that love each other making each other feel good

that's what i need. that's what i want. 

my desire to fuck you has never been stronger

 i feel desire for you. raw, gnawing desire. restless

this monkey's gone to heaven

monkey's gone to heaven

 

i made a to do list app and it's helping. yesterday was scary, english assignment looming over me and threat exam barrment, but it all got resolved, and i fucking killed that presentation. 

new threats; gay twister, homework due in 2-3 hours, mcq test in 72 hours, clean car, practice drums. i'll do it

i lived to regret it but i lived

 ceise the day